I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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