I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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