Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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