Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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