Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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