i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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