My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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