why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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