yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
