Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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