and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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