M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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