He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize