should my penis look like a turkey
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who died my cat blue again?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize