I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize