he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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