Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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