Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize