she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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