I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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