She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he fucked my hip out of place.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize