you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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