I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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