I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize