awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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