I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize