he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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