It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize