Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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