Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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