Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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