Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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