Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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