so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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