i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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