she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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