I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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