After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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