So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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