Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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