Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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