she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize