I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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