I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't deserve a penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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