i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize