I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize