I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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