So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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