I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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