if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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