in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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